Sheogorath and the Cheese Monster
by Morrowinning
Summary: Sheogorath has always had an obsetion with cheese, but it escelates to a new level when he turns it into a human-loving monstrosity of dairy goodness. After Haskill disposes of it, Sheo decides to create it again, but this time, give it as a gift to the unsuspecting mortals of Tamreil... Note: I gave the Haskill character more of a backbone to stand up to Sheogorath. Just so u know


**Sheogorath and the Cheese Monster**

Chapter 1: The Birth of a Monster

It was very humid in the palace hall of the Shivering Isles. The Mad God had just made his grand hall into a tropic land to grow his new cheese. "HASKILL!" Sheogorath shouted "Front and center!" Haskill came out from behind a large wet tree that Sheogorath had spawned. "Yes my lord?" Haskill said questionably as he saw his lord dressed as a safari man.

"Do you have the saplings?" Sheo asked

"Yes my lord. But I must warn you that-"Haskill stopped as his god began to speak again

"Now Haskill, I have no need for your warning. This IS just cheese after all. And I AM the god of all things cheesy; now the SAPLINGS, Haskill."

"Yes my lord. But-"

"HASKILL! THE SAPLINGS!"

Haskill let out a brief huff, and then handed the saplings to the god.

"Now don't you feel better, Haskill?" Sheo asked as he began to plant.

Haskill stood in the same place and was silent as the Mad God went on a rant.

"Now in the future, I expect you to do as I say immediately. You have no reason to oppose me unless you are partial to having an angry immortal jump rope with your intestines. You know that cheese can't hurt anyone. ESPECIALY not me. I OWN cheese, I created it. Haskill, are you even listening to me? HASKILL!?"

Haskill stayed silent, but began to speak in a whisper. "Sir, will you please stop talking?"

Sheogorath became red with rage. "How DARE you tell ME to be silent! You know damn well who I am and yet you don't respect my authority! HASKILL! Stop standing there and listen to me!"

"I apologize my lord but if you'd just-"

"ENOUGH! I should use Wabbajack on you right now for being such a party pooper!"

"Just turn around sir!" Haskill had never yelled at his master before, so Sheo was stunned, for the first time speechless.

"Glad to see you finally grew a pair, Haskill. Now what is this your mumbling about- oh." The Mad God turned to see that in the place of his saplings were now ten foot cheese monsters.

"HA!" Sheogorath broke out into laughter. "Cheese monsters! Haskill, you have truly outdone yourself this time."

"Sir, this wasn't my doing. It was you."

"Oh. Well now, that makes it even better! Now, what do I do with it?"

Haskill pondered this for a minute, then thought of something.

"You can do anything. Best put it down though. These things tend to get out of control with you."

After Haskill stopped speaking, the cheese monster went after him. What was assumed to be its arms grabbed Haskill and pulled him into a sort of hug.

"HA! Haskill, I think you got a new friend!" Sheo yelled. He continued the laughing at his own joke for a while. Eventually he fell to the ground laughing because the monster licked Haskill.

"Even better! Friends with benefits! HA!"

Sheogorath stopped laughing a few moments later when he realized that his forest and his Haskill-loving-cheese monster were gone.

"WHAT HAPPENED!?" he yelled

"Sire, this was completely unnecessary. If you want to make a cheese monster eat seduce someone, do it to Sanguine or someone who will laugh at it." Haskill said as his magika returned to his hands and he walked away.

"Fine. Maybe I will." Sheo said. He turned and walked to the palace door. There he snapped his fingers and a portal opens. It was like a swirling blue door and had dashing lines through it. He almost went through, until he suddenly stopped. He then realized that he had forgotten his bags and his Haskill.

"HASKILL! Bring me my bags! And pack them this time!" he shouted

A few moments later, Haskill walked in carrying three bags. One was the case of the Wabbajack, one was full of Ancient Daedric Cheese (His own invention), and the last one was full of Mehrunes knows what.

"May I ask what you're doing, sir?" Haskill asked calmingly

"My Haskill you should know! It _was _your idea, was it not?"

"My lord please tell me we aren't going to Tamriel for your cheese monster."

"Ok. Haskill, we are not going to Tamriel for my cheese monster."

"Thank you my lord. Then where are we going?"

"Why, Tamriel of course!"

"By the gods sir, have you gone mad!" a smile slipped on to Haskill's face and Sheogorath burst out with laughter.

"Truly Haskill, you never cease to humor me. Now open the portal, I'm too tired."

"Yes, my lord." Haskill raised his hand and the blue swirling door appeared in front of them.

"Tamriel, prepare yourself. Ann Marie is coming home for the holidays!" Sheogorath shouted as he walked through the portal, he was followed by Haskill and the bags he was carrying. Once they were through, the portal closed; leaving no trace where they had gone.

(I'm taking advice on where Sheo should release his monster. Please don't judge to harshly, my first fanfic)


End file.
